- "It was time for the Soap to renew its ancient task. The people of the world needed it for the sake of clean, happy mouths everywhere!"
- —The Soap's creed
The Soap is no ordinary bar of soap. No, this Soap is something far, far more dangerous. It is a Soap with a will of its own...a Soap with a mission. A mission to clean dirty mouths everywhere.
- "It was not that the Soap had a choice--Those ancient magic words compelled it to do its work, but even were the magic constraints not there, still the Soap would perform its function. After all, a clean mouth is a happy mouth, and the only thing that truly gave the Soap a sense of accomplishment was ensuring that mouths were happy."
- —The Soap about its purpose
The Soap was an enchanted bar of soap which was granted limited sentience at some point in history although the exact details are lost in the mists of time. It may have happened because some mage pulled a practical joke on fellow mages or was simply pissed off at all the cursing, but it's doubtful the truth about the matter will be known. Some academics speculate that the gods may have been involved in its creation as was the case with the Goat Jewel. Anyway, what is known for certain is that a magical geas was put on the Soap so that it would carry out its mission no matter what: to wipe all dirty mouths clean and thus make the world a better, curse-free place to live in.
The Soap had a brief reign of bubbles during the First Age until it seemingly disappeared from the Land of the Living. It was promptly forgotten by everyone but a select few Andain who had either witnessed its reign or had read about it from dusty tomes. The Andain bard Leon Alcibiates would later learn about the Soap and its function as he rediscovered it in the ancient ruins of Lea Monde sometime after the Manster Rebellion in the Second Age when he was travelling around the world.
- "Holy fucking shit! What the hell is THAT goddamn thing? It's like--"
- —Burke Torgin before getting a mouthful of Soap
During the Arawn Losstarot War, Mullencamp S-Member Dowlan Cedric led his squad of lackeys into the tunnels underneath the mountains of northern Miletos under orders from Arawn Losstarot to seek artifacts of power. Just when he was tempted to give up and turn back, though, the tunnels had opened into a great underground cavern.
Before the Mullencamp stood a city. Although the city gates were in horrible disrepair, they did bear the ancient crest of Sydney Losstarot. Dowlan had done it. He'd found the Lost City of Lea Monde which Arawn had been looking for years. Dowlan ordered his squad to split up and search the city for artifacts of power.
One of his subordinates, a sergeant named Burke Torgin, was assigned to search the Palace. The place was in shambles, but it looked repairable. Torgin searched through the cellars in hopes of finding some relic of power that he could take back to Master Losstarot. Such a find could mean a promotion.
Far away, on the Isle of Yggdrasil, Leon Alcibiates smiled as he felt the wards he'd left behind trip. Although Leon had removed almost all of the artifacts of power in Lea Monde to prevent them from falling into the wrong hands, he had left one little...surprise.
Burke Torgin shoved at a large, ornate door. It wouldn't budge. He shook his head and started to move away, but as soon as he stepped back, the door creaked and then opened. The room was dark inside, so Torgin lit a match. When he saw what was inside, his eyes widened in amazement.
"Holy fucking shit!" he said, "What the hell is THAT goddamn thing? It's like--"
The rest of his expostulation was lost in a sea of bubbles.
The Soap had been awakened.
The Soap continued its rampage for a while until the Mullencamp fled from the ruins of Lea Monde in terror. Having no other mouth to clean, the Soap became dormant again and was forgotten by the time the Explosion happened, and the world moved on to the Third Age.
Encounter in the RuinsEdit
- "Oh, give me a break! I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS MOTHERFUCKING SOAP IN THESE MOTHERFUCKING RUINS!"
- —Axikasha Keiran about the Soap
At some point after the Cataclysm, Xerathas d'Zarnagon discovered the Soap during excavations which the Grey Cult had been doing in Aison. Realizing the Soap's importance as a weapon thanks to learning about its purpose from the ancient journal of Arawn Losstarot which had been kept in the libraries of Myridia, he took the Soap with him when he, Varalia Earthhaven and The Shadow travelled to Remon to kidnap Marcus Sarillius in 1017 AE. He reasoned that it might be of use to him during the mission even though his companions didn't seem to give the Soap much credit and saw it as nothing but a nuisance.
Xerathas knew that Marcus's friends, Axikasha Keiran among them, would follow him to the Ruined Kingdom to rescue Marcus whom he had kidnapped the night before. To keep the Alliance occupied so he could prepare everything once they arrived, he left the Soap behind in one of the rooms in the ruins. As Xerathas had suspected, the Alliance did stumble in the room, and Cain Highwind was the first one to notice the Soap.
The blond man was so surprised and annoyed by seeing a bar of soap on a pedestal that he cursed out loud as he usually did. This reactivated the Soap, and it assaulted him with grim satisfaction now that it had a purpose again. It then targeted Refan d'Zarnagon whose dirty mouth it washed, before Nymgrock Sigiln managed to trap it in a bag which he closed to prevent the Soap from escaping.
The Soap managed to escape later, however, when Nymgrock accidentally dropped it and the bag holding it during a three-way battle which ensued between the Alliance, Xerathas's posse and the Totenkopfs. Ax, known for her loudmouthed banter, had to face her worst nightmare when she briefly duelled the Soap which had targeted her. She eventually succeeded in cutting it in half...only to realize much to her horror that the two halves rose from the ground and formed two complete Soaps which continued attacking the pottymouths in the room.
Ax's nightmare came to a sudden end when Nergal arrived on the scene to challenge the combatants. The God of War had a really dirty mouth, so the Soap naturally targeted him next. Nergal would have none of that, however, and disintegrated one of the attacking Soaps while casually teleporting the other Soap elsewhere before he resumed fighting the people in the ruins.
A Trip to AlentEdit
It seemed the Soap's bubbly reign had come to an undignified end, but anyone who thought so was mistaken. Nergal's spell had in fact teleported it to Alent where it ended up in the bath where Ariadne and Richelieu were washing each other intimately. Ariadne noticed the weird, ancient and smelly Soap and tossed it out of the window while fetching a cleaner soap. The Soap ended up hitting a Scun below on the street who immediately cursed out loud, only for the Soap to clean his mouth with precision much to the Scun's horror.
Some time later the Soap ended up in the possession of the Totenkopfs in Alent who had noticed it and realized its significance after a string of bubbly attacks on back alleys. Drishnek decided to put the Soap to good use in a future ritual because he knew the value of ancient, powerful artifacts which the Soap represented.
Aliases and NicknamesEdit
- The Soap
- It's the Soap. Just...the Soap.
An ordinary-looking bar of soap albeit a musty one due to its age. Those who have had the pleasure of seeing the Soap enter a potty mouth know that it's anything but ordinary, however.
Personality and TraitsEdit
The Soap is compelled by a geas to carry out its mission to clean dirty mouths everywhere. Still, it enjoys its mission so much that it would carry it out even if those ancient magic words didn't compel it.
Powers and AbilitiesEdit
The Soap can think strategically enough to ambush people to wash their mouths. If cut in half with a weapon, the two halves will end up forming two complete Soaps and so forth ad infinitum. It can levitate and move with fast speeds and becomes active any time it hears anyone cursing, which prompts it to enter the offender's dirty mouth to wash it clean.
Ax, who liked to curse a lot, considered the Soap her most terrifying foe to date when she faced it in the Ruined Kingdom. She delighted in cutting it in half only to look in horror how the two halves formed two complete Soap, which nearly made her lose her mind and cry out in frustration. After the Soap was teleported away during the battle, Ax could finally sigh with relief as any other challenge afterwards wouldn't be nearly as traumatizing as her fight with the Soap had been.
When Leon discovered the ruins of Lea Monde, he also found the Soap which he knew from having studied ancient Andain texts. Leon saw the Soap as useful to hinder the Mullencamp whom Arawn Losstarot had sent to recover ancient treasured of the lost city, so he left it behind for the Mullencamp to find, which led to all sorts of hijinks.